THE SPARK THAT STARTED IT ALL
3,025. That was the number of miles between us when we discovered with wild synchronicity that we’d each developed feelings for women. This had also been the longest distance we’d ever been apart from one another. And it was the first time that we had experienced cryptophasia, the only quintessential twin phenomena we would ever share in our adulthood.
I was sitting on the steps of the central post office in Manhattan while Dani was in the living room of her Hickory Street home in San Diego. On a break from a personal growth seminar, I recall ringing Dani by phone to share some news. There was an excitement and exuberance in my voice that felt entirely new to me. Meanwhile, on the other end of the line Dani found herself struck with a growing sense of panic as she paced back and forth on the hardwood floors of her house. I told Dani that I’d started to fall for my friend Francesca, at which point Dani was overwhelmed with envy, and a visceral, threatening wave of fear. Dani had begun to develop a strong, yet unfamiliar and uncomfortable attraction for her roommate and friend, Michelle, and she remembered, distinctly, that my words reminded her of how repressed her own emotions were, especially when it came to her sexuality.
That call between us was a mirror for what was to come as our coming-out stories unfolded, and our processes were very different. Dani’s was much more clinical (she used intellectually-distancing, indirect language, for example, when talking about it), while mine manifested in a more grounded, direct, and connected way. Coming out at the respective ages of thirty-three and twenty-nine, we consider ourselves to be late bloomers of sorts. In looking back, blooming late makes perfect sense, as our sexual orientations laid dormant from childhood throughout our college years. But Dani and I recognize now that we sensed and felt different from our peers on a distinctly conscious level even then.
I’m not sure we realized just how significant this moment was until we had a chance to reflect upon it years later. Essentially, Dani and I had come out at the same exact time, yet with 3,025 miles between us. To this day, we still find ourselves blown away by the complexities of nature and nurture and how intertwined these factors were in impacting our separate experiences. On opposite coasts we each crossed paths with pivotal people, situations, and circumstances that drew out what we believe was inherently hardwired.
We can’t wait to share these stories with you in Mirrors and Closets: The Complex Journeys of LGBTQ Twins & Their Siblings.